Now, ‘m not a therapist. But one thing I do have an innate ability to do is set boundaries. For me, since I’m already very skilled in this area, setting boundaries is very easy but it has its pros and cons. However, when I’m speaking with friends, families, and co-workers they’re constantly speaking of situations that are affecting their mental well-being because they simply don’t know how or why they should be setting these boundaries.
Why you Should
Have you ever been involved in a situation that just took so much out of you? The subject or individual is constantly taking advantage of you. And while it’s not affecting their mental, it’s affecting yours. You have a lot of resentment. You’re always putting others’ well-being before your own. You feel drained or overwhelmed. You feel like you can’t say no. All you want to do is focus on yourself and get your life on track but you keep getting distracted.
If this sounds like you then maybe you do have a problem with setting boundaries. Maybe setting these personal boundaries will help you feel more stable, leaving you more time to connect with your inner-self. You’ll foster better relationships. And you’ll have a better understanding of why things worked out the way they did. Setting boundaries affects every aspect of your life. It’s the difference between staying in the same space and moving forward.
How to set Boundaries
- Be Aware- The most important part of setting boundaries is realizing how your lack of them negatively affects your life. Once you’re aware of the problem, you’ll pinpoint exactly how to set boundaries to help in similar future situations.
- Learn to Say NO– It’s one thing to be aware but putting it to use is a lot different. The easiest way to set boundaries is the simplest way. Say NO! It works in every situation. Stop explaining yourself. Tell your loved ones “I Love you. But No”
- Start Small- We say yes to a lot of things we don’t want to do because we don’t want to upset the person. So we tell ourselves it’s not that big of a deal. Saying “No” to these minute situations will prevent bigger ones from ever happening.
- Remind yourself Why– It can be hard not falling back on your decision to say no. Remember that you’re doing this for the improvement of your life and your well-being. Change is uncomfortable.
- Stand your ground– once you make your decision, you have to be prepared for pushback. But don’t dwell, keep it moving.
- It’s not about you– This may sound contradicting considering this whole post is about you. But when it comes to setting boundaries you must realize that when people react it’s not about you. It’s really a personal reflection of their flaws and/or insecurities. Remembering this will keep you from ever getting offended.
- Take Note of the Results– How did setting that specific boundary make you feel? Are you feeling more focused? Is your outlook on life more positive? Do you feel less pressure within your relationships? These are all valid questions.
Things to Remember About Your Boundaries
- They are YOURS!- No one can tell you what boundaries to set. The boundaries you define are completely up to you! It’s important not to allow the advice of others to pressure you into setting certain boundaries, even if you should! It needs to be your decision so that you can actually uphold them.
- It Takes Practice! Setting boundaries, especially for the people-pleasers may take some time. There are many diverse situations, big and small that may require you to set boundaries. Sometimes you won’t even realize that you should’ve set boundaries until it has already happened. Take it easy on yourself!
- Be Prepared for a reaction– Not everyone is going to understand or be respectful of your boundaries and that’s okay! You didn’t set those boundaries to please others. Of course, the people benefiting from your lack of boundaries are going to be upset when they don’t get their way. Stay persistent. They’ll either come around or they weren’t meant to be in your life anyway.
Conclusion
It’s not easy! And it never will be! Even people like me, who are great at setting boundaries, feel uneasy when setting them in certain situations. You don’t want to be seen as the ‘bad guy’ even when you can’t control it. It’s not easy letting go of those who refuse to accept them. However, the longevity of your well-being is priceless.